those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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