I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
