dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize