I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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