it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
