so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
