awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm at about main and main street
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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