i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
