ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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