i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
