I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
