i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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