think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
