Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
