Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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