wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
