I haven't been this sober since birth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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