It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
