Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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