Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
