You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
