what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
