I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
