is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
