i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
