k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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