Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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