I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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