On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
