Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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