i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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