who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
