I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize