Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
