I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
