I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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