well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
