i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
