Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
