There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
