How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
