Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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