I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
