so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
