tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
