He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is it because I queefed?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
