the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't turn off my feet"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
