Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
