Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
