How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
