this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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