Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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