There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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