I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
