Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
