I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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