We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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