We're like a lot better than the average bears
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
