The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
