If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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