They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
