I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
