Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize