Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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