Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
