haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize