OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
