I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You're like the curious george of whores
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
