I'm lost and stupid without you.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
