my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
