I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
