He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
