I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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