Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
