She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
