she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
