Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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