In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
