I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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