My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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