If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You are a genius and a whore.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
