I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
