if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
