our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
