somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
