He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
