So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
