Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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