"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
