I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize