Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize