you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
