Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
