if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
