dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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