Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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