So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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