When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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