I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
