I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
