She is in my trunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
