the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
