nutella sex= disaster
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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